I would totally rob a bank.
I just want to make that known from the get-go.
I would TOTALLY rob a bank.
Now that that’s out of the way, let me explain. Before feds bust down my door and shout spit at me while saying something that vaguely sounds like “On the floor! Now!”
Given certain conditions, I would seriously consider putting together a team to infiltrate a financial institution.
See, if I were broke—broke to the point I couldn’t eat or pay rent or buy medicine, not just oh-I’m-a-broke-college-student broke—it would be stupid of me not to at least attempt a bank robbery.
Let me explain why.
If I win (and by win, I mean get away with the money), I’ll be rich. I will be able to afford food, water, shelter, and medicine. I’ll be good.
If I fail, however, I will go to jail for (depending on the circumstances) a very long time. While in jail, I will be provided with shelter, water, three meals a day, medical and dental care, and dozens of other things I wouldn’t be able to afford otherwise. I imagine I’d even have a fairly active sex life.
Not for making breakfast.
And recess! I’ll have a scheduled recess! I haven’t had recess since the fifth grade. How epic would that be?
Now, on top of all of this, I can get a job. Granted it pays jack shit, but it’s still a job.
And all this at the expense of the taxpayers—the people I was attempting to rob in the first place.
That’s not true though. The FDIC insures most bank accounts up to $10,000, so I don’t even have to feel guilty about robbing a bank if I do get away. God knows they don’t feel guilty for robbing us.
I might even try to make it interesting. You need supplies and gear if you’re going to rob a bank, but you need money to buy the stuff to rob the bank with. Since I have no money, I figure I’ll take out a loan from the bank I intend to rob in order to make the necessary purchases. Then, once the dust has settled, I’ll repay the loan in full.
They’ll never know, but I will. And that’s what counts.
And that, kids, is called playing the system.